


You (Amazingphil)

by SJWrites



Series: // Fantastic Foursome // One Shots // [7]
Category: Amazingphil (RPF), Danisnotonfire (RPF), Phan (RPF), Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Abuse, F/M, M/M, One Shot, PLEASE BE SAFE READING, Sadness, Song shot, TRIGGER WARNINGS EVERYWHERE, Tw:Abuse, the pretty reckless - Freeform, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-21
Updated: 2015-08-21
Packaged: 2018-04-16 09:32:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4620342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SJWrites/pseuds/SJWrites
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes, when you and Phil are high on sadness and drunk on wine and crying into each other's arms about the boy you both loved in happiness but still crying about finding love in sadness you both wear his clothes.</p><p>alt title: dan is gone and everyone was in love with him; phil finds love through dan's life even though he can't think straight.</p><p>title credit: You by The Pretty Reckless</p>
            </blockquote>





	You (Amazingphil)

**Author's Note:**

> T R I G G E R W A R N I N G S:  
> abuse  
> death  
> drinking  
> heavy mention of depression  
> death of a loved one  
> stockholm syndrome
> 
> If you or a loved one is being abused please call your local hot line and seek help.

**_PLEASE READ WITH CAUTION. I HAVE LISTEN THE TRIGGER WARNINGS. BE SAFE. this one shot in no way represents anyone in it, it is purely a fan work._ **

 

**_You don’t want me, no_ **

**_You don’t need me_ **

 

The Phandom went _nuts_ when they found out you moved in with Phil and Dan.

Another person to tell them who did the domestic things; who washes the dishes, who swept and vacuumed. Who bought the groceries, which was neither. The Tesco man brought the groceries and you put them away.

People bugged you nonstop until you had to block all of the bigger phan accounts on all your social media. It was too much.

Really, you could only take so much goddamn Muse and Kendrick Lamar.

Given, you hung out with Dan more than Phil, and Phil listens to a healthier balance of music, but you were going insane.

For more reason than just the music.

 

_**Like I want you, oh** _

_**Like I need you** _

 

"Are they harassing you, again?" Dan asks when he finds you curled on the couch, crying.

"It's not bad," You say, sniveling and digging deeper into the blanket burrito. "It's just the comments on our latest collab."

Dan sighs and drapes himself over your blanketed form, quickly sending your temperature skyrocketing from his body heat. "Just don't listen to them," He mumbles into your shoulder.

You shiver, and cringe, because this is wrong, wrong, _wrong_.

These feelings are wrong, wrong, _WRONG_!

Why did you fall in love with Dan?

 

**_And I want you in my life_ **

**_And I need you in my life_ **

 

Emotions.

Emotions everywhere.

Has it really been six months since Dan comforted you on his couch? Since he hugged you? Talked to you?

_Too long._

It's been too long and you're alone in your head but not in Phil's room and you're afraid of what's happening and there's yelling and crashing and banging and you're crying but Phil is there, sweet, _sweet_ Phil; his cheeks are rosy red and as tear stained as yours but you both make no move to wipe them off.

He holds you tightly on the floor of his room, mourning for his best friend because there's not a damn thing either of you can do.

Dan is too damn gone and he is too damn scary for you or Phil to do anything.

 

_**You can’t see me, no** _

_**Like I see you** _

 

So you both decide to sneak to safety.

Away from Dan, away from the demon that's wormed it's way under his skin with bruises and kisses.

You're both halfway to the door when the big, blundering man spots you.

Phil is clutching to your hips so hard you're sure it leaves marks, but marks of fear and lament and not anger- nothing like the marks on Dan's gaunt, pale face.

Your heart is suddenly simultaneously in your stomach and throat as the giant's finger is pointed toward you, his booming voice crackling along your spine and removing all thoughts from your head.

 

_**I can’t have you, no** _

_**Like you have me** _

 

"Is this her?" He accuses, Goliath head spinning on his shoulders as he looks between you and Dan, "The _whore_ you've been cheating on me with?"

Phil jumps to your rescue, slingshotting his words toward's the man's forehead: "She's not a whore." and Dan's voice meekly follows, imploring, **begging** , weakly urging Jonathan not to do anything rash, he'd never cheat on him, he loves him.

 

**_And I want you in my life_ **

**_And I need you in my life_ **

 

And God damn, Dan looks so scared it hurts you, you need need his happiness like a drug, you need him like a drug-

A shiver runs up your spine as Jonathan slowly walks toward you, Phil presses himself harder into your front, protecting you and Dan resigns to sitting weakly on the ground.

"You actual piece of shit!" You scream, pushing Phil out of the way.

Dan is addicted.

To the pain.

To the love.

To the sex.

To Jonathan.

And it is no way to live.

 

**_Love_ **

 

How long do you pound on Jonathan before Dan pushes you off and tends to his wounds?

 

**_Love_ **

 

How long does Phil drive after he carries you to his car?

 

**_Love_ **

 

How long do you cry in Phil's arms before the police find you both, soaked and hiding in an alley, crying harder than ever before?

 

_**You can’t feel me, no** _

_**Like I feel you** _

 

How long does the funeral last? You're clinging to Phil in the rain, two souls in a melting pot of sadness and anger burning low.

How long until you feel whole again?

Your cracks mended by Phil's love, the way he holds you as weakly as he can, afraid of his body, afraid of his strength, afraid of losing you like he lost Dan.

 

_**I can’t steal you, no** _

_**Like you stole me** _

 

How long until you say yes?

Yes to his kiss, yes to his bed, yes to his love and his support and his eyes, the way they shine when they look at you, the way they cry in videos talking about Dan, the way they hold his soul.

 

_**And I want you in my life** _

_**And I need you in my life** _

 

How long until you learn to think about Dan without crying? _Months_. Months of recognizing how beaten he was, how submissive meaty fists made him.

Days with Phil researching Stockholm Syndrome and what it does and why Dan died like Dan did.

Some nights you both lay on Dan's floor, his room untouched, his recording stuff still up.

On these nights the air would grow stale and sterile with your tears because... "I loved him, you know," Phil says, softly, just as softly stroking your hip.

"I know,"

" _No_ ," Phil shakes his head, "I loved Dan like he loved doing youtube. With his entire soul."

The silence strangles you.

"But that doesn't mean I don't love you. I am so in love with you and it hurts everyday of my life because if I would have been there sooner..."

You cut Phil off with a gentle kiss to his neck and a soft ping breaks the silence, shattering your brain with the thought of Dan's computer coming back to life, maybe Dan is coming back to life; conservatives are still screaming he's burning in hell because he was pansexual, and maybe Lucifer saw the sweetness of his soul and sent him back to Earth because he never truly deserved it-

No, it was a delayed email.

Even in death, Dan is so ironic it hurts.

 

_**La la la la** _

_**La la la la** _

 

The video that was in the email is put up the next day.

One last dose of crisis.

One last _Hello Internet_.

One last video simply titled: _Goodbye Internet_.

 

_**La la la la** _

_**La la la la** _

 

Sometimes, when you and Phil are high on sadness and drunk on wine and crying into each other's arms about the boy you both loved in happiness but still crying about finding love in sadness you both wear his clothes.

Phil will find an old Muse shirt and put it on and you'll put on his fucking horrendous One Direction face clusterfuck shirt and sit down at his desk and open his email and cry some more because all you see is people emailing him and asking him to come back but you set up the camera anyways, wondering how much long this is going to hurt, wondering how long he hurt, wondering what's happening to Jonathan and if he's getting what he deserves.

But then you and Phil are sitting at the desk and drinking and crying and answering questions and it's like Dan is there, like he's with you, like he knows you're both in so much pain and can't stop it.

The new Internet Support Group videos aren't the same, they never will be, but they're all you have anymore and it's what Dan would have wanted, you hope.

Even though these new videos are posted to his channel, the words _Hello Internet_ are never uttered in any of them.

**Author's Note:**

> at this point making me lick hot pavement would be less painful than what i just wrote
> 
> sorry if it made you cry
> 
> i cried
> 
> a lot
> 
> also The Pretty Reckless just slays me


End file.
